Last week, Little Monsters around the world were heartbroken to hear the news that Lady Gaga’s upcoming album Chromatica had been pushed back, thanks to the ongoing pandemic that’s currently sweeping the world.
Unsure of what exactly to do, a grief stricken moi turned to the internet for comfort: digging out vintage videos like the Very Gaga Thanksgiving series, her Paparazzi performance at the 2009 VMAs, and clips of her press tour for A Star Is Born. One video, buried so deeply, came out of nowhere, however, offering a stark reminder that she might have started at the bottom, but now she’s got her own make-up line.
It was 2008, it was The Hills season four, it was a Dylan George (??) x Interscope event at Area Nightclub (ugh, get me there now), there were literally a hundred people in the room, and the only person who believed in our Gags was… well, our Gags.
Introduced to Lauren Conrad and Whitney Port by their boss and iconic PR aggressor Kelly Cutrone as “some girl named Lady Gaga who apparently is their new big signing,” the two girls couldn’t have looked less arsed tbh (though Lauren was likely distracted by an ongoing argument with Audrina – shit!)
Anyway – as the gorgeously vapid pair are backstage steaming looks for Dylan George, Gaga storms in mid-wardrobe malfunction – complete with lightning bolt face decor and peroxide wig avec heavy fringe. Naturally the girls must follow girl code and dutifully help her with her zipper as part of what is a truly tense moment – will the zip go up? Who is this quite tacky singer? And will Lauren and Audrina make up?
Within 5-7 seconds, the zip is fixed and Mother Monster, as she would come to be known, finishes off her look with some gorgeous square framed glasses and gold chains, before taking to the dancefloor to give “Love Game” a good go. Lauren, meanwhile, stares off into the middle distance while this display of pure talent is taking place right in front of her eyes, thinking surely of what else but… Audrina!
It’s sort of absurd to imagine a world where Lauren Conrad’s problems are more enticing than Lady Gaga performing a pop-up set at a niche fashion event. But that, my friends, was the glory of 2008.