Can You Separate the Fake Gronk Quotes from the Real Gronk Quotes?

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It came out yesterday that Rob Gronkowski, NFL man-eater and enormous fun-haver, is writing a book, whose title states what we already know: It’s Good to be Gronk. Sports Illustrated’s MMQB published some excerpts from the story and gave it a promising review, calling it “revealing, honest, and pretty damn funny.” Well, we can’t wait for its release and we know you probably can’t either, so we’ve provided the excerpts below… and sprinkled in some passages that definitely aren’t in the book, but aren’t definitely not in the book either (i.e. we made them up). See if you can tell what’s real and what isn’t:

  1. “There were a lot of hot, sexy Mexican ladies there, but I picked out the largest, healthiest looking one, who had to be 260 pounds, like I was. After 10 seconds of me dancing on top of her in the chair, the collective 520 pounds of the two of us collapsed the fold-up chair… That was the best $30 I ever made.”

  2. “I’m blessed to have people around me I trust, like my financial advisor Jerry. He was showing me all about the stock market and compound interest, how $5 today can become $50,000 over time! Then I took the calculator and showed him that if you typed in 58008, and then turned the calculator upside down, it said BOOBS. He thought that was pretty dope.”

  3. “Right before the AFC Championship game, Tom handed me all these footballs and said, ’Dude, Gronk, if you suck the air out of these, it’ll make your voice all squeaky like a balloon.’ So I did, but it didn’t work.”

  4. “Guys were coming at me from behind and from all angles…The girl I had been friendly with told me that I looked like the Hulk throwing four dudes off me. She loved it and definitely made it up to me later.”

  5. “I was at the Kentucky Derby and Wes said, ’Rob, I want you to meet my friend Molly before the day’s out.’ I never did get to meet her, but she must have been a great date. Wes looked like he had a really good time.”

  6. “My lava lamp goes with me on the road, but the pillows and blankets for the fort usually come from whatever hotel we’re staying at.”

  7. “To this day, I still haven’t touched one dime of my signing bonus or NFL contract money. I live off my marketing money and haven’t blown it on any big-money expensive cars, expensive jewelry or tattoos and still wear my favorite pair of jeans from high school.”

  8. “LeGarrette Blount once asked me, ’Hey, Rob, isn’t it funny my last name is Blount?’ I said, ’Yeah, cause it’s like that funny author, Roy Blount, Jr., right?’ He said that wasn’t the right answer.”

  9. “Ice cream is probably my biggest guilty pleasure. I like putting different flavors together, like Moose Tracks and Mint Chocolate Chip, and then letting it melt, and stirring it around and making it into one big soup.”

  10. “I’m a 23-year-old guy just looking to have a fun time.”

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_Answers: 1. Real 2. Not Real 3. Not Real 4. Real 5. Not Real 6. Not Real 7. Real (smart man!) 8. Not Real 9. Not Real. 10. Real, and we know you are, Robert, and we salute you. _

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